November 10, 2007

tired and confused

I know I said I wouldn't be updating till Wednesday at least but... I really need to vent out some of the thoughts going through my head. I feel so tired of the emotional rollercoaster this fandom has become for me in the last months.

I downloaded the first Hi!Hey!Say! show today and watched it. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because it was just Yabu and Hikaru in it, without the rest of HSJ. Perhaps because, since I'm not watching anything HSJ related, I miss Yabu and Hikaru - more than I ever thought I would. Perhaps just out of curiosity.

Whatever the reason, watching it made me sad and melancholic. "They've ditched Taiyô and Shoon for this?; they've ditched the Ya3 show for this?", was the bitter thought that crossed my mind. Admittedly the Ya3 show had some very boring and repetitive episodes -like those with the Teppan segment. If you compare the first episode of the HHS show to any of those you might conclude that, as we say in Spanish, it's the same dog with a different collar, meaning that it's the same thing under a different name.

However, it is not. Unless they change radically the format of the first episode, I'd describe it as a cheap and mediocre show. At least the Ya3 show -even though not always entertaining- was educational or curious. The preview of the second episode doesn't seem much more promising: a couple of ugly guys eating like pigs.

Yabu and Hikaru don't have that much protagonism either. Koyama even has a co-MC, a young woman. Yabu's and Hikaru's role is merely to read bits of text to introduce videos presented by vulgar comedians. The only things that made it worthwhile the download for me were watching Yabu talk in that boyish way of his, like he rules the world -which for some reason I adore- and Hikaru's cute and funny expressions.

I don't think I'll keep this episode, I'll probably edit it to leave only the Yabu-Hikaru parts, or delete it altogether, and I can't say I'm looking forward to the next one. And the livestage... I love Yabu and Hikaru, I like Daiki and Inoo, and I have nothing against Takaki even though he's not among my favourite juniors, but... I don't see that the five of them together are superior in any way to Ya-Ya-yah. Not better, not worse. I mean... when you change something you usually aim at something better, don't you? Are Daiki, Inoo, or Takaki more popular than Taiyô and Shoon? I don't think so. Do they have spectacular voices or amazing dancing skills that Taiyô and Shoon didn't have? If that's the case it certainly doesn't show. It looks to me as if with these changes JE is just aiming at... well, changing things for the sake of changing things. Perhaps that's the only reason for HSJ: we live in a society that demands constantly something new, that gets tired too soon of anything, and instead of trying to promote something that's good enough, something with solid foundations, JE prefers to come up with something new, something shiny to feed the ever demanding masses. After all, what's at stake? The feelings of the boys that work for them, the feelings of a handful of fans? They can't make money on those things.

I find it ironic that the show's logo has a train on it. In the last months I've been feeling like I'm on a train ride that never ends. I know what the next stops are, but I don't know what I'll find there, or rather, I don't know if the two people I'm hoping to find at the station, waiting for me, will be there.

Those two people are Shoon and Taiyô. The next stops are the December Shounen Club and the January mags. Will they be there? I want them to be there; I need them to be there. I want some definite sign that they're going to stay around, something more than three of the December mags giving them a couple of pages or a shared page, something more than Shoon appearing now and then on tomorrow's SC. I'm tired of being anxious for them, of worrying, of waiting, and yet, there's nothing else to do but wait and then wait some more... till the next stop.

I'm also tired of wondering if I'm being overemotional about this, if I'm being an idiot for worrying over the happiness of four people on the other end of the world I don't even know. But I just can't help it. When you're reading a novel and your favourite character is going through a hard time, you feel down with him/her. I guess you get emotionally involved in the story, even if it's fiction, so it can only be stronger when real, flesh and blood people with feelings are involved.

The thing is I feel so confused when I see Yabu and Hikaru smile or just looking happy these days. Of course I don't want them to be unhappy, and I know that the fact that they don't break down crying in public does not necessarily mean they're not having a hard time, but... It's just that I feel stupid being this down when I hear people around me say Ya3 disbanding is not such a big thing, or when I see the boys themselves are moving on. They just have to move on, I know, but still... I guess the stubborn part of me still wants to rebel against the unfairness of it all, even if there's no sense in it, even if it won't get me anywhere.

For some reason it seems like I always root for the loser team -which by no means is the same as a "team of losers"- but, what can I say? I'm proud of it. I think some things are just too good for the world we live in, and the masses and the people at the helm just don't value them for what they're worth. They don't deserve them.

PS: You can watch and download the HHS show at Kamichan's blog.