December 01, 2007

happy b-day, Hikaru!

[edit: I've taken down the b-day header because as you can see there's a SUN eclipse: Taiyô has quitted JE. I'm feeling too upset to write about it right now. *hugs tightly Aki, Tina, Rin, and all Taiyô fans*]

[edit2: took down the eclipse header too. The eclipse has passed and the SUN is shining somewhere in Tokyo... and will continue shining in this blog. ^_^]



They say that the real proof of love is being able to let go of what you love.

My family has a little house in the country, where we used to spend every Summer when I was a child. Once we found a baby sparrow that had fallen from its nest. We took him home and raised him, and when he was old enough and had learned to fly, we released him.

I’d grown fond of it, and I worried, wondering if he’d survive on his own, and the selfish part of me didn’t want to let him free because I’d miss him, but sparrows are not birds meant to live in a cage. They’re freedom-loving birds.

I don’t usually write poetry, ‘cause I’m not gifted for it, but for some reason when I’m melancholic the words come to my mind, and I just have to write them down or else they keep on plaguing me. I guess I’m just a very sentimental person. I cried and wrote a poem when one of my parrakeets died, and I cried and wrote another when my father said we’d have to cut the poplar that stood in front of our country house. It was getting too tall and he feared one day it might fall upon the house —in Winter there are very strong winds in that area, you see. It was a beautiful tree, a tree I’d seen grow. Now there’s an olive tree in its place, but it still feels to me as if that space is oddly empty, even with the new tree.

With Ya-Ya-yah’s disbandment, after getting angry and crying because of unfairness of it, those feelings have been replaced with a certain melancholy, which I guess will take some time to go away. A few days ago I found myself writing a poem, the poem on the header. Click to see it full size.

click to see full size

It’s not a poem to say goodbye to Ya-Ya-yah. They’re still here for me, whenever I watch an old show or SC, or browse my magazine tearouts, like the story and characters of a book come again to life when you re-read it. No, it’s a poem dedicated individually to each of them, because I felt the need to tell them that, even though this was not their choice, I’m trying to accept the fact that now they’re heading different ways.

Re-reading it now I think it sounds a bit like a love poem, but it’s not. Not of the “romantic love” kind I mean. I’d only write such a poem to Shoon. I’d say it’s more like motherly love.
I guess this kind of melancholy is what a mother feels when her children grow and leave, and the same melancholy I felt when we released that sparrow. A mother doesn’t want her children to leave the “nest”, but she knows that’s the circle of life, and I felt anxious about what might become of that sparrow, but I knew I just had to let it go.

I’m releasing another “bird” today. His name is Hikaru and he turns 17 today. He’s not a bird, of course, but if he was I’d say he’d be a parrakeet —a green one, as I recently learned that’s his favourite colour. ^__^

Parrakeets are such endearing, crazy little fellows. They’re a bit noisy too, and very playful... just like Hikaru. =] They also have this quality of adapting quickly to new environments and everybody loves them. How could you not?

However Hikaru’s done quite a bit of growing too this year. He's developed a certain smugness he brings out now and then that amuses me very much. It's a very funny thing because he can still be your old, chummy Hikaru -the Hikaru he is when he's with Shoon- and then suddenly pull out the James Bond style and he's quite convincing. XD Out of all Ya-Ya-yah I thought I'd never see him as sexy, but I must admit that there are times he makes me think that he may not be handsome, but can certainly be quite attractive. I'm sure he has a lot of success with girls.

I think this change started when he was chosen for Kitty, and I have a feeling it might have been because of Yamapi’s influence. I remember the first Ya3 livestage when Hikaru reappeared and it was quite a shock. He seemed to have grown up all of a sudden, and he had that so very cool hair cut, and he started wearing flashy rings and necklaces. I’d say he’s got now what he was missing to be a real star: a bit of extravagance.

It suits him, actually, and I guess he’s left behind the cute boy stage, the Hikaru whose cheeks you wanted to pinch. But it’s good to see that deep down, beneath the stage presence and the smug rock star attitude he’s still good old Hikaru, the guy that values friendship above all else, the guy with simple, uncomplicated tastes, the Hikaru that teases Taiyô like only best friends do, that never fails to make Shoon smile or laugh, and has become Yabu’s right hand. I’m very glad they have each other to lean on in this new stage of their career.

I hope I’ll be able to keep on seeing him grow, and that he’ll always stay true to himself, because he’s a great guy. O-tanjôbi omedetô, Hikaru-kun!

PS: Just a reminder that the deadline for Hikaru’s b-day contest is today at midgnight GMT.
PS2: Nobody seemed interested in leaving a voice b-day message for Hikaru, so I’m taking the link down from the navigation bar.
PS3: The last line of the poem is actually a line of a poem by E.E.Cummings.
PS4: I know it's a bit early, but in a while it will be Sunday already in Japan, and I didn't know if I'd be able to post this later, so... ^^