December 20, 2009

happy birthday, Shoon!

山下翔央, Yamashita Shoon, Ya-Ya-yah
Dear Shoon,

Happy birthday! You turn 21 this year, and it's now 4 years since I became your fan, at the end of 2005. So many things have changed... and others haven't. My Japanese, for example, is still not as good as I wish it would be. But from what I see your English hasn't improved much either, so we're even. I won't give up though, and neither should you. Which reminds me you have one advantage I don't have: you can practice your English with Keito! I have nobody to practice my Japanese with. Anyway, ガンバリマスよ!

Other things haven't changed either: I'm still your number 1 fan and I still listen to Ya-Ya-yah songs on my mp3 player and indulge in nostalgia re-watching old Ya-Ya-yah shows and old Shounen Club episodes. I'm still afraid of insects too, and there are still so many things about me I want to improve! I suppose I'll jot those things down on my list of resolutions for the New Year.

But there are things that have changed indeed. I had to get "used" to Ya-Ya-yah not being around anymore, to Taiyô leaving, to you disappearing from Shounen Club one day, to the magazines publishing less pages of you... (I'm worried about Reon too; haven't seen him in quite a while, which makes me suspect he might have quit Johnny's) All this has been a test to me, and I've realized I'm not as strong a fan as I once may have seemed. Anger and indignation at JE's decision of making Ya-Ya-yah disappear made me feisty: I planned so many things to show the world that we, the Ya-Ya-yah fans, were not defeated, and I swore I wouldn't stop blogging and... I didn't realize then how hard it was going to be. The world simply goes on, ignoring your hurt, and you're not expected to ask for explanations. Just get up, keep on walking, and let the world roll on. That seems to be the rule for everything in life. It's a bit tiring sometimes, as if nothing mattered much, as if everyone and everything was dispensable. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive and get too attached to people and things.

After re-reading the paragraph above, though, I find myself thinking that if you read this you'd probably wonder why am I telling you this when you suffered it in the flesh. I know I've said this before, but you never cease to amaze me, because I imagine it must have been really hard for you, and yet you never lose your smile, no matter how tough things get, and seem content, waiting calmly at your post, and when you get the smallest chance, make the most of it. You make true the anonymous quotation I used for your birthday header: Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling. (幸福は終着駅ではなく、旅する方法である。)

You've been an inspiration to me from the start, but now more than ever. In this new year of your life that begins, I wish you the very best, which might or might not be what I want for you, because I'll always want so much more for you. Let it be then what you hope for. If it depended on me you'd have leading roles in dramas, stage plays, musicals, concerts, a debut... but maybe you don't worry as much about those things because you're busy enjoying the journey. I'm no fairy godmother, but if I could bestow even just one gift on you it would be good health. I'm sure you need no more help, so the rest is up to you. Meanwhile I'll continue keeping you in my thoughts and dreaming for you, and I'll always be your "puppeteer".

I was planning on making a virtual present for you, but work has kept me very busy in the last two months. I intend to do it all the same, and it will be a sort of... window, I suppose you could call it, a blog or site through which I'll share the things I like, or the things I think you might like, with you. It could be a picture, or a video, or a quotation... or a song like this. It's a song titled Dark Waltz by a New Zealand singer called Haley Westenra I discovered recently.



Dark Waltz lyrics:

We are the lucky ones / We shine like a thousand suns / When all of the colour runs together // I'll keep you company / In one glorious harmony / Waltzing with destiny forever // Dance me into the night / Underneath the moon shining so bright / Turning me into the light // Time dances whirling past / I gaze through the looking glass / And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven // Sacred geometry / Where movement is poetry / Visions of you and me forever // Dance me into the night / Underneath the moon shining so bright / Turning me into the light // Dance me into the night / Underneath the moon shining so bright / Let the dark waltz begin / Oh let me wheel - let me spin / Let it take me again / Turning me into the light

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To readers: I have a birthday surprise for you, a Yamabu fic, which hopefully will be ready for tomorrow. x^.^x *crosses fingers* Have a little teaser, because I'm mean. XD

Yabu was not in the mood for partying. He was not in the mood for engaging in empty conversations, for laughing at jokes, thanking well-wishers for their congratulations on the performance, smiling at the flashing cameras, or answering the reporters’ questions.
He was not in the mood for anything, for that matter. It wasn’t fair. It was his twentieth birthday, an important moment in a boy’s man’s life and the last night they staged She loves me, the musical for which he had been entrusted, for the first time, with the leading role. It was his day, his day, but Shoon just had to go and spoil everything the night before with the most shocking and unexpected revelation.