September 28, 2007

winner takes it all

If you are happy about the Hey! Say! JUMP debut, don't read this. Seriously, don't read this. No, I mean it, there's absolutely no obligation for you to read this.
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Are you still reading? Okay, you decided to read on. Don't blame me afterwards if this post annoys you, please. =/ I've given you fair warning.
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To those in the fandom who want to shut up those of us who are not happy about HSJ, I want to ask you: do you know what it feels like to be left out? Have you felt left out at some point in your life? I have. It's not nice. It hurts. It's a dull ache that gives you a feeling of loneliness.
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Let me tell you a story. I hated highschool with a passion. Every morning during the week I'd wake up with a sense of dread and think "I wish I could skip classes today". That's how much I hated it. Have you watched Spiderman? Well, I was a bit of a Peter Parker, only I was a girl, not a boy. I was one of those students people think of as "weirdoes", and of course there was the typical bunch of popular boys and girls in my class, those immature teens whose mission in life is to torture those different from them so they can feel powerful, important.
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Now I'm happy with who I am, but back then I was an insecure girl who wanted nothing but the approval of those around her, to be accepted. At the end of my last highschool year our English teacher had the idea of organizing a sort of festival, in which we would stage different skits in English for the whole school. We were divided in pairs and small groups, and assigned one or two skits. I was paired up with one of the popular girls for a skit, and I was also in a group that would do a kind of trivia contest, though my part in that was really small: preparing the questions. In the skit, I had to play the part of an interviewer, and the other girl, whom I'll call M., the part of a famous pop singer. She was in another group as well, but I can't remember what their skit was about. Anyway. I was nervous about our skit because, being the shy person I am, I dreaded the idea of being on a stage in front of a lot of people. However, I was also kind of excited about it - I'm a bit of a contradictory person too. ^^;;; M. was not very enthusiastic that she'd been paired up with me, and she didn't seem sad in the least when our skit and another one were cancelled because there wouldn't be enough time for them all to be staged. I, on the other hand, was disappointed even though I told myself I was relieved I wouldn't have to face my stage fear after all.
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On the day of the festival I was the only one in my class who had no part to be on the stage, so I sat next to our teacher in the audience during the whole thing. I must say that even though I hated highschool, I absolutely adored this teacher. She was a wonderful person, and a great teacher too. She asked me one day, in mid term, if I intended to go to University, and what I wanted to study. I told her I wanted to study English Philology, and she said with a smile: "then I'll be with you all the way till you get there". I was really moved by her answer, and she really helped me a lot. I graduated from high school and entered university. Many times I wanted to go back to the school to tell her I had achieved my goal, but I felt too shy to do so. In my second year of University I learned she'd died in a car crush, and felt really awful that I never got to tell her, nor to thank her for her support, so if you care for somebody, say it today; don't wait for tomorrow.
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Anyway, back to my story... There I sat with my teacher, watching my classmates on the stage. At the end all of them stood up there, smiling while the audience clapped. Through the corner of my eye I saw my teacher glancing at me awkwardly while clapping, as if thinking that I too, should be up there, but she was a very discreet and perceptive person and, probably knowing how shy I was, decided it was better to say nothing. I thanked her immensely for that, because yes, I was feeling bad at that moment, I was feeling left out, I was feeling I was part of what was going on on the stage,but at the same time I was not.
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I imagine that's probably how Shoon and Taiyô felt when they were little more than backdancers in their own group, and how they must have felt when Yabu and Hikaru were chosen for this new group and they were left behind. That's the way I've been feeling since the HSJ debut was announced too.
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Some people were excited from the moment this debut was announced, and others seem to be accepting it little by little, pushing aside their initial confusion and disappointment because, well, the show must go on, and they don't want to be left behind in this gloomy limbo that is the Ya3 fandom right now, where nobody knows what's going to happen. Hey! Say! JUMP is all new and shiny, and the boys all smile when they perform and appear together. Who cares if they are truly happy or not? Even if they were not happy at first, they'll get over it, because that's the way JE works and they know it. The show must go on. And speaking of shows... two new shows are being prepared: one for Hey! Say! JUMP, and another for Hey! Say! BEST (ie. Yabu, Hikaru, Inoo, Daiki, and Takaki), called "Hi! Hey! Say!".
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We still don't know what kind of shows these shows are going to be, but knowing JE they'll probably be weekly shows, and it makes me wonder again what's going to happen with the Ya3 show. I mean, Hi! Hey! Say! will have HSB in it and some juniors. Will those juniors include Shoon and Taiyô? And if they are included... what will their part be? Clearly not as big as the part the HSB members will play, so there we'd go again, pushing Shoon and Taiyô into the background, precisely now that they were staring to get some attention at last. And if they're not included... will the Ya3 show stay on air simultaneously with 2 other junior shows, one of which has both Yabu and Hikaru in it? It all depends on how much JE values Ya-Ya-yah as a group. Before the announcement of this debut I would have said Ya-Ya-yah was an important asset for JE. They have invested so much in them lately: plenty of new songs, plenty of new outfits, renewals of the show, bringing Shoon and Taiyô forward... Now I'm not so sure. We'll just have to wait and see.
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In the meantime I'll stay in this limbo, where it's getting a bit cold and lonely, but that's okay. It's my choice. I just wish people would respect my right to be sad and anxious about the future of my favourite group. We live in a society in which everything moves too quickly, in which there's no space for mourning nor for feelings. You have to be happy, you have to move on. Things are the way they are, you shouldn't complain. After all, as that old ABBA song says, the winner takes it all and the loser... has to fall.
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What follows is the lyrics of that song, and how they relate to the way I'm feeling as a Ya3 fan now.
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I dont wanna talk / about the things we've gone through. / Though it's hurting me, / now its history.
Some fans would rather just not talk about what's happening and what might happen. It hurts them, but they feel they must move on.
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I've played all my cards / and that's what you've done too. / Nothing more to say. / No more ace to play.
We've all had our say, so now stop ranting and shut up.
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The winner takes it all / The loser standing small / Beside the victory /That's her destiny
Now it's Hey! Say! JUMP. Accept it. Move on.
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I was in your arms / Thinking I belonged there / I figured it made sense
Building me a fence / Building me a home / Thinking I'd be strong there / But I was a fool / Playing by the rules
I felt part of the fandom, I thought we all felt the same and hoped for the same, but clearly I was wrong hoping for a Ya3 debut because life is not fair.
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The gods may throw a dice / Their minds as cold as ice / And someone way down here / Loses someone dear
JE is a business, it's not about people and feelings. You loved Ya-Ya-yah? Well, sorry for you.
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The winner takes it all / The loser has to fall / Its simple and its plain / Why should I complain.
So yes, it's HSJ time now. Get over it. Stop ranting and shut up.
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But tell me does she kiss / Like I used to kiss you? / Does it feel the same / When she calls your name?
What's behind HSJ?, do they have a history as Ya-Ya-yah has?
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Somewhere deep inside / You must know I miss you / But what can I say / Rules must be obeyed
Deep down you know this is wrong, but well, it's the old man who decides.
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The judges will decide / The likes of me abide / Spectators of the show / Always staying low
We Ya3 fans will just have to wait and see what Ya3's fate is
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The game is on again / A lover or a friend / A big thing or a small / The winner takes it all
The show must go on. HSJ is the current thing. Get over it already.
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I don't wanna talk / If it makes you feel sad / And I understand / You've come to shake my hand / I apologize / If it makes you feel bad / Seeing me so tense / No self-confidence /But you see / The winner takes it all / The winner takes it all...
So I'm sorry if my posts make you feel depressed, but they express the way I'm feeling now.
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