I think life is making me stoical. Last year this might have crushed me, might have made me cry, might have made me angsty. Right now, a couple of days after the storm, I feel... nothing.
Sometimes feelings are like a whirlwind of dust spinning around you, clouding your mind. When that happens, it's better to wait for the wind to die down and the dust to settle, rather than act in the heat of the moment and later regret it.
It's quite fascinating how, little by little, if you let time pass -even just a few hours- you start seeing things in their true dimension. I mean that you realize that something that seemed a mountain is just a grain of sand, that sometimes it's not worth the while feeling hurt or angry or worried about something.
This time hurt came first. On Wednesday morning I woke up in the Middle Ages and found myself being hauled to the public square, where an accusing finger pointed at me and an angry voice shouted: "Witch! We must burn her at the stake!". ... No, wait, it wasn't like that really, though in a way that's what it felt like. Others may need a little drama in their life -you know, Con onor muore, Morte di Butterfly and all that-, but drama is not my thing at all. I'm more into satirical comedy. Word-duelling is a lot more fun... but it must be done in style.
Thing is that, yes, in a figurative sense it was the enactment of a drama, and there were accusations, and the place was very public indeed. It's understandable of course, because to stage a drama you need an audience, don't you agree? Who cares if it's a private matter? We're in the Age of Reality Shows, in which all private matters become public. Also, naturally, the most sublime monologue would be pointless without an audience.
The Prima Donna clenched the hearts of the breathless audience with her singingbarking more likely. I was rather shocked that the lyrics were about me, harsh and blunt words that made me feel as if my chest had turned into a bleak moor upon which a chilly wind was blowing. I knew some people in the audience, and I could sense them giving me confused looks, but the shock kept me nailed to the seat. My ears were ringing when the curtain fell, and some people still looked confused, but others clapped and cheered "stay strong!" -to the Prima Donna, not me-, and there was even an encore though we had been assured there wouldn't be any. Divas are like that. They make their audience suffer a little but can't deny them anything. So divine. Puccini would be have been proud.
If I ever happen to act like a diva, by the way, please slap me and remind me who I am: just a fan like any other. Bloggers are not fandom gurus, never worship them; they're just people who spend part of their free time doing something they like doing: writing. And no need to thank us for anything. Blogs are aimed to be read, so you, the readers are the ones that give meaning to what we bloggers do. Therefore, it's us who should be thanking you for being there.
Back to the drama of the century... The person sitting next to me was an old acquaintance. When I mentioned the lyrics and pointed out that I was actually the one that had been wronged, she didn't want to make any comments, would rather remain neutral, you know. Funnily enough though, when I was heading towards the exit I heard her praising the Prima Donna: "Stay strong!".
Some people cry or shout when somebody hurts them. I, however, am the type that clenches their fists, holds back the tears, and goes silent. I may seem okay on the outside, I may not make dramatic posts, but that doesn't mean things don't hurt me.
My acquaintance was still talking to the Prima Donna, and my surprise grew when I heard her comment on the lyrics with something that went like "it's okay; what happens happens". I frowned and then blinked repeatedly in bewilderment. What was that supposed to mean? "What happens, happens"?! So somebody punches you, and you tell a friend: "That guy punched me just now, can you believe it?", and all they do is shrug and reply: "Well, what happens happens". Hmmm... Perhaps I should adopt it as my motto now I'm going stoical. "What happens happens"; nice phrase.
I couldn't help overhearing somebody else's words as well. I'd never seen that person before, but they patted the Prima Donna's shoulder and said they understood what she was going through and oh, it was all so terrible, they were so sorry... I stood where I was, feeling like a squashed tomato, shaking inside, and wondered if that person had even considered that there are always two sides to a story and they had only heard one. Apparently not.
Those things I heard turned the hurt into sadness and disbelief. This is fandom and it's something trivial, but it's a reflection of the world out there. That's the way the world goes, with people who judge having heard just one side of the story, and other people who know both sides, and know the truth, and know what is right and what is wrong, but just don't care because it doesn't affect them.
However, there were also friends who were there, at the "theatre", who called to ask if I was okay, and those are the people that count for me. I knew the truth, knew there was no reason whatsoever for which I deserved to be verbally abused like that in public for something that concerned no one, and also... what the hell, it was just fandom! Those thoughts blew away the clouds of sadness and disbelief and let the sun through. I hadn't hurt anyone, I had done nothing wrong, all the ruckus would be forgotten in a few days, and why should I care what opinion people who know nothing about me -and still judge me- could have of me?
As for the Prima Donna... All I'll say is she seems a bit confused about the meaning of the word "mistake". The Webster's dictionary defines "mistake" as: "A wrong action attributable to bad judgement or ignorance or inattention". I wouldn't say something done purposely and with the intention of deceiving can be called "bad judgement", "ignorance", or "inattention". Maybe I'm wrong. Also, my concept of "friend" does not include things like lying, deceiving, or cheating. Actually that's what bothers me the most, that she always seems to think she can deceive me. After so many years she should know better than that. A piece of advice on the subject of friendship: Be careful who you call your friends. Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs. Or, quoting one of my favourite films, Swing Kids:
Arvid: 'Quiz time: Got your glasses on?'
Thomas: 'What?'
Arvid: 'It means you don't know who your friends are.'
Mira lo que te has perdío (See what you've lost)
Sometimes feelings are like a whirlwind of dust spinning around you, clouding your mind. When that happens, it's better to wait for the wind to die down and the dust to settle, rather than act in the heat of the moment and later regret it.
It's quite fascinating how, little by little, if you let time pass -even just a few hours- you start seeing things in their true dimension. I mean that you realize that something that seemed a mountain is just a grain of sand, that sometimes it's not worth the while feeling hurt or angry or worried about something.
This time hurt came first. On Wednesday morning I woke up in the Middle Ages and found myself being hauled to the public square, where an accusing finger pointed at me and an angry voice shouted: "Witch! We must burn her at the stake!". ... No, wait, it wasn't like that really, though in a way that's what it felt like. Others may need a little drama in their life -you know, Con onor muore, Morte di Butterfly and all that-, but drama is not my thing at all. I'm more into satirical comedy. Word-duelling is a lot more fun... but it must be done in style.
Thing is that, yes, in a figurative sense it was the enactment of a drama, and there were accusations, and the place was very public indeed. It's understandable of course, because to stage a drama you need an audience, don't you agree? Who cares if it's a private matter? We're in the Age of Reality Shows, in which all private matters become public. Also, naturally, the most sublime monologue would be pointless without an audience.
The Prima Donna clenched the hearts of the breathless audience with her singing
If I ever happen to act like a diva, by the way, please slap me and remind me who I am: just a fan like any other. Bloggers are not fandom gurus, never worship them; they're just people who spend part of their free time doing something they like doing: writing. And no need to thank us for anything. Blogs are aimed to be read, so you, the readers are the ones that give meaning to what we bloggers do. Therefore, it's us who should be thanking you for being there.
Back to the drama of the century... The person sitting next to me was an old acquaintance. When I mentioned the lyrics and pointed out that I was actually the one that had been wronged, she didn't want to make any comments, would rather remain neutral, you know. Funnily enough though, when I was heading towards the exit I heard her praising the Prima Donna: "Stay strong!".
Some people cry or shout when somebody hurts them. I, however, am the type that clenches their fists, holds back the tears, and goes silent. I may seem okay on the outside, I may not make dramatic posts, but that doesn't mean things don't hurt me.
My acquaintance was still talking to the Prima Donna, and my surprise grew when I heard her comment on the lyrics with something that went like "it's okay; what happens happens". I frowned and then blinked repeatedly in bewilderment. What was that supposed to mean? "What happens, happens"?! So somebody punches you, and you tell a friend: "That guy punched me just now, can you believe it?", and all they do is shrug and reply: "Well, what happens happens". Hmmm... Perhaps I should adopt it as my motto now I'm going stoical. "What happens happens"; nice phrase.
I couldn't help overhearing somebody else's words as well. I'd never seen that person before, but they patted the Prima Donna's shoulder and said they understood what she was going through and oh, it was all so terrible, they were so sorry... I stood where I was, feeling like a squashed tomato, shaking inside, and wondered if that person had even considered that there are always two sides to a story and they had only heard one. Apparently not.
Those things I heard turned the hurt into sadness and disbelief. This is fandom and it's something trivial, but it's a reflection of the world out there. That's the way the world goes, with people who judge having heard just one side of the story, and other people who know both sides, and know the truth, and know what is right and what is wrong, but just don't care because it doesn't affect them.
However, there were also friends who were there, at the "theatre", who called to ask if I was okay, and those are the people that count for me. I knew the truth, knew there was no reason whatsoever for which I deserved to be verbally abused like that in public for something that concerned no one, and also... what the hell, it was just fandom! Those thoughts blew away the clouds of sadness and disbelief and let the sun through. I hadn't hurt anyone, I had done nothing wrong, all the ruckus would be forgotten in a few days, and why should I care what opinion people who know nothing about me -and still judge me- could have of me?
As for the Prima Donna... All I'll say is she seems a bit confused about the meaning of the word "mistake". The Webster's dictionary defines "mistake" as: "A wrong action attributable to bad judgement or ignorance or inattention". I wouldn't say something done purposely and with the intention of deceiving can be called "bad judgement", "ignorance", or "inattention". Maybe I'm wrong. Also, my concept of "friend" does not include things like lying, deceiving, or cheating. Actually that's what bothers me the most, that she always seems to think she can deceive me. After so many years she should know better than that. A piece of advice on the subject of friendship: Be careful who you call your friends. Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs. Or, quoting one of my favourite films, Swing Kids:
Arvid: 'Quiz time: Got your glasses on?'
Thomas: 'What?'
Arvid: 'It means you don't know who your friends are.'